AUGUST 30TH SUPERFIGHT

A Superfight is a writing exercise where you run a fictional tournament between some fictional combatants. Today's fighters are:

Witch Hazel (of Looney Tunes)

Guts (from Berserk)

MEWTWO (returning champion... a psychic Pokémon)

Yugioh (from Yu-gi-oh! a franchise about a child's card game)

Horse

A Baby

ROUND 1:

1. Witch Hazel vs. Horse
2. Guts vs. Yugioh
3. Mewtwo vs. Baby

Witch Hazel vs. Horse:

Horse has been known to team up with opponents. Is Witch Hazel amenable? Does Witch Hazel smell trustworthy? This is a tough call for Horse. Pawing the ground, he nervously neighs. Witch Hazel begins her routine of bullshitting in rhyme while lining up the kill. 

Flash point! Let's switch to a different fight.

Guts vs. Yugioh

Yugioh offers to settle this with a tabletop game of some sort. Guts the swordsman surmises that his opponent is a veteran gambler and thus dice or cards would be disadvantageous so he chooses to stick to bloodsport. 

Yugioh is in a tough spot. He is probably going to get killed in this fight. He is not a fool. He attempts to delay the battle by talking, trying to deduce an edge. What is Guts motivation? Does he think winning the Superfight will bring him closer to any of his goals?  His quick wits quickly surmise that Guts is not very clear on why he's even here or what he's doing. No, Guts's heart is bent on one thing: revenge against the God Hand, a group of literal Gods who ruined his life. Knowing this Yugioh concedes and leaves the scene.

Mewtwo vs. Baby

Mewtwo either can't bring himself to fight a baby or simply does not care to. It seems important to this Pokémon that that point remain ambiguous. Baby wins.

Back to: Witch Hazel vs. Horse:

Horse is standing around placidly and Witch Hazel is ass-over-teakettle and has stars and planets floating above her head. We didn't get to see what happened. Horse wins

ROUND 2:

Guts vs. Horse

Guts is obviously a noble master, this is what Horse has been waiting for. Team-up, Guts riding Horse will fight Baby in the finale. 

FINALE: Horseman Guts vs. Baby?

Yugioh has swapped positions with Baby in the tourney, in exchange for a bag of candy. "It was like taking candy from a baby... in reverse!" is his line. Additionally, Yugioh has taken his time out of the limelight to find an edge.

The big reveal: Yugioh has an object of power known as a Beherit. This is terrible news.

The entire Tourney is thrown into The Eclipse, the dark dimension the Beherit pulls people into. The last time this happened, Guts's entire life was ruined. Guts is freaking out. Horse is keeping cool. The ground has become an unwieldy mass of stone faces. All participants are endangered by encroaching demons, but Mewtwo and Witch Hazel team up to hold them at bay. Baby is crying!

Yugioh is smirking evilly. Guts is in an insane rage and is going to try to kill Yugioh but he can't because of the demons and because of the approaching... God Hand.

These are the Gods capable of unleashing the darkness of humanity or something. They are the ones who ruined Guts's life. Anyway there they are; they always show up when a Beherit is used. Of course, Yugioh is able to goad one or more members of God Hand into a game of cards, the card game Yu-gi-oh! which is named after Yugioh, and before very long it's Time to Duel!

Well to make a long story short, Yugioh nearly gets his Life Points depleted to Zero from taking on all The Gods at Once but Guts intervenes and using the Power of Violence is able to Turn The Tide. Maybe Guts volunteers to Step Into The Game As One Of The Cards. Anyway with their franchise powers combined Y&G win it and The God Hand is sent to the Shadow Realm which isn't very different from The Eclipse but its not on their terms so they aren't happy. It's basically the ending of Superman (1978) where the bad guys are trapped in a prison cube and sent spinning off into space.

SUPERFIGHT WINNER: FRIENDSHIP!