Sunday, July 15, 2018

d50 troika! macguffins

Image result for pokedex
  1. single testicle of god
  2. a pokédex
  3. the tape from “escape from new york”
  4. beautiful and sexy jewel thieves chase after the world’s rarest diamond so you’ll become really popular with sexy beautiful jewel thieves if you get it
  5. baby with extremely huge head can be crawled into and if you do you get an automatically good idea
  6. the six magic puppet strings to run the World Marrionette
  7. angel wings + surgery (you can take people into or out of heaven)
  8. the subtle knife
  9. the smartest man on earth almost knows everything so you have to either prevent him or help him learn the last thing
  10. workable portal to trove
  11. working film projector / the know how
  12. dictionary of all words, you can cross out words. also grammar nazis
  13. other low hanging fruit??? someone’s trying to steal silk from the orient
  14. the orient is trying to steal silk back heh heh
  15. grocery store’s just trying to stay open versus an oppressive developer
  16. sword in the stone but it’s still in the stage where everyone’s trying to politcally manuever around it
  17. dick-stealing cat
  18. rival adventure group doing an important thing and you’re continuously in the way by incriminating coincidence
  19. death is trying to play chess with you
  20. conflicting apocalyptic warnings and mutual demonization from two intelligent items
  21. letting your players know the sun is going to burn out soon and then you’re going to end the campaign
  22. aggressive suitors
  23. fortune-teller warns of a dangerous sea voyage. quest-givers all try to get PCs to go on a voyage after this
  24. bank holding all of their wealth fails
  25. god begins sending you burning bushes, etc.
  26. pursued by the apparently sentient idea of taxes
  27. debt collectors making life difficult
  28. divorce if at all applicable
  29. kings hanging out with you
  30. national feast in your honor goes hairy
  31. inform a player that their coming-of-age ceremony is almost due
  32. the draft
  33. macular irregularity needs treatment or go blind
  34. someone’s drone bombing your country
  35. everyone seems to be adopting a prohibitive religious cult about an ear
  36. prison 
  37. jesus of nazareth doin stuff
  38. bastardettes
  39. seduced and organ stolen, keeps happening
  40. grifters invade land
  41. battle baby fights are becoming popular
  42. roll again and work in trepanning
  43. they look like they’re
    1. meth addicts
    2. cannibals
    3. a secret psychic cult
    4. but they’re actually:
      1. evolved dinosaurs like in the super mario bros movie
      2. rebellious women
      3. communists
  44. communism is being badly implemented
  45. sherlock holmes trying to figure out that crime the pcs did
  46. the connection between local street toughs and hidden goverment psychic kids program has grown too strong
  47. the people have found a portal to (fake) heaven 
  48. aliens land
  49. incredibly violent ghost
  50. serial killer sending in letters to the newspaper

Sunday, July 8, 2018

"Seul Contre Tous"= I Stand Alone, a Review

Watched this movie because my friend Rachael recommended I watch it. Ok, I've talked a lot recently about my switch over to a more "violence friendly" style personhood, meaning, I'm not totally opposed to violence like I used to be.

I had a friend who talked about beating up someone's abusive boyfriend. This friend was a person of ethics. Obv I'm not sure if beating up someone is even a good way to guarantee that they stop abusing anyone, fiction would say no, but as punishment I think there's a sort of lawlessness or frontier-justice style appeal which is ofc dangerous and likely to target the wrong ppl etc.

As with 'Irreversible' :Seul Contre Tous: opens with the mistaken case of violence ruining someone's life, a buncha ppls, albeit to the film's credit it posits the life of this man The Butcher in a way such that the act of mistaken violence he has committed was in his past and was something he learned from and took into his self. There's a sort of "committal of violence" which I appreciate; the process of picking up trauma in your life years after the fact (and the wounds) in any way, pride or not-pride.

I'm not proud of the butcher but something in my heart really loves him and I think its the film's portrayal of him, which is of credit, he is a man of character in the classic sense in that it's not fucking around, it's a person, o.k. You take a film which has no bones and lightly mocks the offended viewer about the presence of evil, I said to my uber driver later that I think humanity includes evil in a really special way, I would not pick the human world without violence I would not consider with the rage in my heart the evil of ppl etc. There's nothing to gasp out but a cloying service to the statute, "I stand alone", to be a person in destructive motion, is basically admirable, pathetic.

Friday, June 29, 2018

I promised I'd write a review of Eclipse Phase

  1. it's overwritten with some of the worst design trends you get these days. kinda like "we wanna have a big 'ol rulebook and have it be technical and we should explain everything." yes, there has been some knowledge gained over these years about editing and clarity of language and sadly eclpise phase does not doo a good job
  2. extremely fucked up picture of stats wherein you have multiple categories of stats sometimes abbrviated to be quite similar (COO and COG) that cross-reference each other in strange ways and are linked to an potentially changing Morph meaning you have to recalculate totals and moreover the information design of the sheets is like long rows of tables all the same color. even your money is actually stats or something.
  3. as a result we the players and the game master didn't really know how to run anything in the game beyond call of cthulu esc stat rolls which we were didnt doing properly. we didn't really know how to approach combat outside of skill rolls like these and ignoring all of the rules
  4. even the "shortened rules" or whatever is too dense and I couldn't get through it or I did skim it and didn't understand it? but it's still "call of cthulu??"

the good:
  1. transhumanity as pictured is a pretty cool concept and the writers did a lot to make it a complete picture of the world. pretty much every subject is covered in the text (social, logistics, transportation, hierarchies, etc) and given enough thought to seem somewhat credible.
  2. the morph guide is actually pretty wild
  3. there's a pretty compelling history built into the text, the rise of transhumanity happened along with the rise of some super powerful ais
  4. I appreciate how the aliens ("factors") are not big players in the scheme of things
  5. I appreciate how much of an ass the book has on it, like, there's a lot of global conspiracy stuff back there, a lot of information the GM can use to tell a wider horrific story
  6. transhumanity was the basis of some legitimate philosophical questions in play as well some funny funny jokes
the play:
  • horrific problem near the end where galactic conspiracy means too much information to keep track of and as soon as someone starts pulling threads you get contradictions etc. etc.
  • weird problem where because all information was available to us instantly we would always just hang out in this "airport lounge" style space right next to our ship. which was just sort of funny not a problem
  • thinking around problems using transhumanity like, let's take this person, copy their mind in to a cortical stack, and then psychosurgery the stack to find information was pretty fun although it almost always meant we were making the GM scramble
  • GM had a whole series of sessions within a simulspace where we played pathfinder


  1. it's kinda a legit setting! I can't throw it in the garbage bin. But then again someone could do this better... like some small publisher... 
  2. uhh you can't buy this book and read it though unless you're a person who can read like "evilly written GURPS"

my eclipse phase HACK:

people are cortical stacks. you’re data contained a small grape-sized diamond.

you can duplicate a cortical stack with a psychosurgery roll. you also need a terminal.

in civilization, terminals and terminal equipment are ubiquitous.

you can merge willing cortical stacks with a psychosurgery roll.

cortical stacks can be sent along or into digital networks at a terminal with no roll.

anything you can do with modern brain surgery you can do with a psychosurgery roll.

One of the involved cortical stacks loses 1d6 of either int, cha, or wis, randomly determined, permanent.


Information can be obtained from the network wirelessly via an infosec roll. You can make as many rolls as you want.

This roll is made in secret by the gm.

You get the publically available information. On a success, you also get a portion of private information. On a failure, you also get some incorrect, outdated, or unfortunately imprecise information, or a rumor.


Each morph has its own STR, DEX, and CON, plus any racial features.


  1. Roll 3d6 for INT, CHA, WIS.
  2. Assign skill points equal to your INT.
  3. Choose a morph. calculate skill bonuses, ac and hp
  4. You start with 50,000 credits.


Skill rolls are Skill + Relevant Stat Modifer+ d20 vs. a target number devised by the GM. If you don’t have any skill points youre just using your relevant stat. Stat modifiers break down as per 3.5

Used to bypass digital security measures.

adds +1 to your AC per point.

Used to pilot any vehicle.

Used to shoot any ranged weapon.

Used to fight with a melee weapon or unarmed.

Used to physically sneak around or use sleight of hand.

Used to persuade people.

Used to impersonate people.

Used to create software.

see above.

see above

you may not put points into this skill.

for each morph, rolll 3d6 each for STR DEX and CON and add racial features

normal morph: just a normal human.

ape morph: as normal but +8 str x2 CON and ape-size (-4 AC)

little morph: +4 dex and small (+4 AC), ½ CON

bird morph: can fly, small size (+4 AC), ½ CON

harpy morph: can fly

big brain morph: +4 int, -2 CON (no new skill points)

speedy morph: +4 dex, -2 CON

muscles: +4 str

vampire: with a successful melee you can drain blood, dealing d8 damage and gain as much.

orc morph: +4 str +4 dex +2 con -2 CHA

elite morph: up to +8 in each physical stat and +4 in each mental stat, but these can cost billions of credits. a low end one is 200,000.

AC: equal to 10 + dex mod + fray skill

HP: equal to CON


small unarmed d2
human size unarmed d4
large unarmed d10
knife d8
sword d10
gun 2d8
big gun 3d10
artillery (if it hits you die)

sample characters

fritz the loon

4 INT (-3)
13 CHA (+1)
8 WIS   (-1)

ape morph
22 STR (+6)
17 DEX (+3)
22 CON

melee 4 (+6 str) = +10

AC: 9
HP: 22


10 INT
16 CHA +3
14 WIS  +2

harpy morph
14 str +2
16 dex +3
9 con

3 disguise + 3 = +6
3 persuade  +3 cha = +6
4 psychosurgery + 2 wis = +6


setting is the same.

Monday, June 25, 2018

new lotfp class: the pig-herder

Image result for pig

-able to herd 3*(2^[level-1]) pigs. herding means controlling pigs's movement.

-saves and xp as fighter. d6 hit die, minimum 4 at first level.

-can issue the following commands to any members of its herd as if spells of the appropriate level for a magic-user:
  1. attack- pigs will engage in one combat. typical pig is 1 hd, 1 attack for d4, 20ft speed.
  2. find/retrieve- commanded pigs will attempt to locate and potentially retrieve a stated object or person. they have excellent smell.
  3. cooperate- pigs can be herded into accomplishing complicated multi-pig tasks such as lifting a wheelbarrow.
  4. summon more pigs- commanded pigs will go out and recruit more pigs in the local area if possible.
  5. stack pigs- pigladder, wall of pigs
  6. behave politely- any pigs so commanded will be treated as acceptable in polite society
  7. pig prayer- as commune. the involved pigs will be judged on their pigginess by god.
  8. pig ritual- the pigs perform a satanic rite to summon a demon (as summon). sacrificed pigs count as "same race as caster"
  9. pigscendence - the pig-herder has complete control over any pigs in eyesight and may command them to perform tasks that seem even physiologically impossible, although involved pigs are unlikely to survive such tasks.

commanding a pig requires verbal communication except in the case of "pigscendence". commands do not need to be prepared (but still limited in number of times per day as if a magic user - ed).

Sunday, June 24, 2018

even more spells

fingernail clippings.

bullet brain
v, s: finger gun to own skull
duration: concentration, max 1 Turn
your brain turns into a bullet !zoom! your body flaps around behind it as it zooms around! you get a fly speed of 45,000 ft, you can’t do anything with the rest of your body though. and good luck deaccelerating.

big head
v: groan s: rub forehead
duration: caster level hours
your skull gets bigger. you can fit more stuff in there, meaning if you have to remember anything, you automatically succeed. you can also put things in your skull by shoving them up your nose, they’ll be safely stored.

m: twenty five dollars cash
target: yourself or one other
duration: until dismissed or caster walks away.
a large skull descends from the sky and answers any questions you might have about one subject: your future and psyche. questions about the future recieve hazy answers, answers about the psyche are spot-on. only usable outside.

no spell components
target: one person you can see or know the name of (unlimited range)
your friend (or an enemy) gets an idea. they do not have to act on this idea. abstract information is preferential to specific text, specific language likely is slightly garbled.

trap portal
v,s:draw the portal ,m:chalk or paint or charcoal
duration: caster level hours
opens an appealing, adventure-y looking portal that will subtly influence any adventure-minded individuals to go inside (still their option, but no save). takes you to prison dimension (as imprisonment: burial)

enchant mistletoe
v,s, m: istletoe
duration: 1 hour caster level
enchanted mistletoe will cause you to have intense emotions if you pass near it, within 5’. the emotions are random; typically, someone at the table will suggest an intense emotion for the target to feel and we’ll go with that. prolonged exposure will give cumulative -1 penalities to any action not acting on the emotion.

enchant toe
v,s m: toe
range: touch
duration: permanent
caster has complete control over enchanted toe.

green grass
duration: caster lever hours
trap spell, creates a patch of ordinary grass which if stepped on acts as acid. d8 damage/round, clothing destroyed, save or be stuck for another round.

lose thing
1 target, reflex save
m: onion
bad luck causes you to drop the thing you were holding and it rolls or bounces to the most feasibly inaccessible spot.

oil sphere
v,s,m: pinch of salt
radius of sphere is up to 5’/caster level.
range: any point in space within 30’
large sphere of oil collects, seeping from nearby materials. takes one round/5' radius to collect, will float if necessary.  the oil is flammable.

hatred sphere
v,s, m: two cherries
range: sphere can influence up to 5’/caster level
duration: permanent. caster can only have one sphere at a time though
the sphere collects hair, dead skin and loose nails (or not so loose) to an invisible point of space. once the detritus of three people has been collected the sphere’s mass forms a mouth which begins mewing. if fed the mass will, eventually, develop glowing purple psychic powers and a deep baritone voice. it only wants to be fed more.

mass: 1 hd per 2 gallons of collected material, gains the following powers every 7 gallons collected:
7. ability to slow time (as slow)
14. intelligence = 7 and can speak any language
21. pseudopods can manipulate at strength 14, intelligence = 14
28. can cast suggestion once per day
34. range begins expanding 5’ per day, up to double original value
41. can cast suggestion at will

target: up to caster level targets
duration: 1 minute
target with best save attempts to save, if they succeed the spell fails.

all targets are reduced to ¼ of an inch tall and all of their ability scores are reduced to 1.

Friday, June 22, 2018

the al columbia/henry darger campaign I've been working on

so I basically wrote 1/2 of a campaign book last year inspired primarily by two artists: al columbia and henry darger.

al columbia's work
Image result for henry darger
henry darger's
This all came after Scrap Princess recommended Venetian Snare's "Doll Doll Doll" which was sorta a concept album about childkilling like Jon Bennet Ramsey and all that. Listening to the album basically made me feel cool about childkilling... capturing some niche.

Considering how easy it is to look at the work of something like
and write a dungeon based on it that's pretty much what I did.


PCs are requested to come and help out a small labor town put down a rebellion. They arrive, by train, and find that the town is populated entirely by soldiering men with beards and coats. The town runs on child slavery agriculture; the soldiers want the PCs to go put down a rebellion by the children. Specifically they want the PCs to go out into Jennae Richie and lure the militarized children into a staged battle.

OUTSIDE THE TOWN WALLS is a land known as "Jennae Richie": a series of plains and forests bordered by mountains and the ocean and populated by wild children. There a couple of factions in play:
  • the militiarized children who have rifles and have child-general leaders
  •  the "vivian girls" who are an independent child calvary, intelligent with good discipline
  • the "childkillers", a variety of monsters and boogeymen who eat the children 
  •  troupes of adult clowns who are sortof combination relief organizers and entertainers for the children
  •  the fairy queen, a large butterfly-winged person who educates the children and influences the child military's leaders
  • "tornado terry" -  a reoccuring tornado which the children have a spiritual connection to  
  •  mysteriously modern "grandparents" who live by the coast

THERE'S A COUPLE OF SITES scattered throughout Jennae Richie:
  • the forbidden forest where all the cannibals live
  • a swamp filled with rotting pianos where some swamp-kids live and a portal to the underworld is there
  • the "underworld": a series of bizarre tunnels which link locations
  • the mountains bordering jennae richie where "brodbrigian creatures" live
  •  the coast- this is where "tornado terry" visits. there's a seaside home here belonging to some old folks who are mysteriously modern who kinda take care of the children. however many of the kids regularly sacrifice themselves to the tornado and the "grandparents" can't stop them and no longer try.
  • There a couple of dungeon-like locations which function as links between the three cosmological states of Jennae richie. more on that in a bit

  1. either the PCs lead the child military forces into a staged battle with the adults or some other battle is conducted; if the battle happens on the adult's terms it will be a planned slaughter
  2. Tornado Terry intervenes during the battle and wipes out all sides
  3. Adult civilization and the children's leaders are dead; in their absence the childkillers and the "half-real world" will fully take over Jennae Richie
The battle can be averted if the PCs take steps to uncover the mystery in Jennae Richie and figure out the politics between the adults and children.

  • The cosmology of this place, which most of the children know some of, is that there are three worlds:
    • The "real world": where the PCs are from and where they're running around probably
    • The "half-real" world where the childkillers are from and maybe the children are from? This world looks sorta like the "fake world" but has childkillers (=monsters) and stuff (=treasure) in it
    • The "fake world": this is a mostly empty tertiary dimension resembling a 1950's small city and suburban outlands. There are buildings but no stuff or people; the wind rises as you spend time here and eventually culminates in a tornado which destroys everything
  • Children make expeditions to get guns and other modern stuff from the "half-world". Links between worlds are usually real <-> half <-> fake.
  • The cause of all this was some shenanigans with dimensions rubbing together and a tornado and a special person who made a wish as regards saving children from the tornado and from evil men. I haven't really figured it out yet.
  • the clown troupes are adults who feel guilty about child slavery
So basically the PCs wander into this situation, have an opportunity to explore some half-real locations full of monsters and treasure, have to deal with a bunch of child soldiers and child politics and maybe witness some terrible battles, maybe deal with the more competent actors like the vivian girls or the clowns, maybe avert the apocalypse maybe not. 

the "half-real" locations I've made up so far:
  • a movie theatre with a trapdoor and a ladder which leads to another, more ornate movie theatre with a trapdoor and a ladder which leads to.... 
    • accessed via tunnels. leads to the fake world eventually. you can also recover some broken movie theatre equipment which if you repair it the kids will love you because you can show them movies
  • an apartment complex in a hellish landscape. inside each door there's another random bizarre thing and there's a persistent monster which if you close your eyes goes away and black balloons everywhere which if you pop you die
    • you get there via tunnels
  • a department store full of stuff and monsters I haven' fleshed out yet
  • an abandoned house in the forbidden forest which if you get close becomes "modern". there's a demon that lives there and some treasure and it works as a gateway between fake and real worlds
  • salmon falls, which is a town where they're constantly doing reality-breaking parades, it's also the home of a bunch of double-bodied people with straight razors
  • a church-trap full of hanged corpses which awaken if you shine light on them; they strangle, die, fall, and turn into broken-bone ghouls. has a portal to the veins of the earth 
  • the city of the dead full of ghouls which is where you get to if you go northeast of the map
  • if you take a boat out into the ocean the ocean turns into a mass of rotting fetus-man corpses
all of this is basically curbed from al columbia and henry darger's art.

Thursday, June 21, 2018

Some Necromancer Spells to Fix Pathfinder Necromancers

anoint undead
lvl 5

m: 250sp gem
casting time: 1 minute

one unintelligent undead rises to 10 int.

create minor undead
casting time: 5 rounds
lvl 1
m: cadaver fitting need (see below)

spell can create a 1 HD zombie or skeleton, which will follow commands for 1 hour then collapse into dust. This requires a skeleton or fleshy corpse.

spell can instaead create a speaking skull of intelligence 10 which will follow instructions for 24 hours then collapse into dust. This requires just a skull or head.

spell can also be used to create animate body parts, such as a crawling arm. these only last 10 minutes.

explode undead
lvl 2
save: will save

target undead of 1-3 HD must save or explode, dealing d6*HD damage to 10 feet, save half.

mass explode undead
lvl 6
as explode undead but all undead in a 30ft radius from a point  you can see.

mass create minor undead
lvl 4
m: cocaine, 3 grams
casting time: 1 round

as "create minor undead" but may create up to 30 HD of mixed types. still need body parts

bad surgery
m: eucalyptus leaves
lvl 3
duration: 2 weeks

target dying person must save or become a zombie under the caster's control. it is not immediately obvious that they are undead.

v,s,m: living person sacrifice
duration: 1 day/caster level
lvl 5

target structure becomes a base for undead, who will flock there. undead in the structure regain 1 hp/ hour.  bodies placed in the structure will animate as minor undead, who last for the duration.

v,s,m: large deposit of corpses, e.g. graveyard
casting time: 3 rounds
range: line of sight, will upturn graves
duration: caster level/rounds
lvl 5

target corpses all fly together to create a monster of hd = # of bodies, under the caster's control

willing undead may join, unwilling undead need to save.

locate dead bodies
lvl 2
m (focus): a terrified small animal
ritual casting takes 7 minutes

caster knows direction and distance of dead bodies within 15 miles. the search can be narrowed such as "dead body of the king", "graveyards", etc. if the search returns too many results to list the caster takes 1 wis damage and retains only general information.

fuse undead
lvl 3
m: glue, and either intestines from a living being of at least medium size or gold dust equal to 10gp*hd of combined undead
duration: if only two combined, permanent. otherwise (number of participants)/20 days

caster glues up to caster level/HD undead together. the product has hd = to total undead hd used, is one or two size categories larger, has all the special abilities of the undead used and has a number of attacks = to the number of undead. 30ft speed

undead train
lvl 7
v,s,m: bones of at least 10 people
duration: until the sun rise

caster creates an undead train! up to 15 people can ride, it moves 66ft/round, can trample at +10 for 3d6 damage! yow!!!