d100+ directions, higher numbers weirder

roll several times to get directions, uhhh vary it between d6, d10, d20, d30, d50, d20+25 etc., d100, as the higher numbers are wierder... example:

1. go right
2. there's a lot of Bandits in this zone so be careful
3. crawl in the pipe there
4. think really hard about ladders

...and you're there.

d 1 0 0 T A B L E o F s T R A N G E D I R E C T I O N S: 

1. go right
2. go left
3. reroll (until applicable -ed) and add "two times"
4. reroll (ditto) and add "three times"
5. go north
6. go east
7. go west
8. go south
9. add "at the junction," and reroll
10. walk twenty five steps thataway
11. keep going until you see
1. threatening graffiti
2. the big hole
3. all that moss
4. fat Derrida
5. the community board
6. that church
12. turn at the big rock
13. if you see the ... you've gone too far. 
1. big rock
2. pile of horse skeletons
3. stuck-in-wall guy
4. magic fountain
5. really large grass field
6. hole
14. take the less-trod path
15. oh yeah, there's a shortcut: (reroll 5 more times) 
16. "about a mile down the road" and reroll
17. there should be double doors, go through those.
18. a ... will guide you:
1. a grey wolf
2. a brown cat
3. a fat dog
4. a fat rat
5. a talking bat
6. a pretty lady
19. you'll have to bribe the guard there. like $5
20. staircase up.
21. ...that'll get you most of the way there. (nullifies remaining directions. If this is the first instruction: no directions necessary)
22. at this point you should smell:
1. bacon
2. bread and iron
3. waffles
4. smoke
23. at this point you should hear:
1. screaming
2. bees
3. rushing water (a waterfall -ed)
4. howling wind
5. a sound like fingernails on a chalkboard, don't worry tho
6. thunking
24. reroll and add "...usually."
25. you'll have to climb up that wall.
26. there's a magic door there, to unlock it, you'll have to (roll d50 + 50, two times until applicable)
27. should just be a hill or two before...
28. there's a lot of Bandits in this zone so be careful
29. there's a shortcut through someone's house... if they ask tell them 'Chinnie' sent you
30. if you get that far it should pretty obvious where to go next.
31. hug the treeline for a while
32. watch out for broken glass, here.
33. should be a red crank there, turn it, it will raise the portcullis, I think.
34. you'll have to go and meet the jester there, I don't remember the rest (nullifies remaining rolls)
35. follow the tracks for like a mile
36. ladder up
37. ladder down
38. you'll have to go and find a ladder to get up, there.
39. crawl in the pipe there.
40. there should be a bridge directly above you.
41. should be a large fuzzy crack in the wall.
42. should be lava at this point
43. you'll have to breeze up the way until you hit, like, pawn's five knight's gopher
44. try to deliberately piss off Chinnie
45. ok, there will be a delicious feast there, but don't eat anything, right...
46. eat breakfast here, or if it's night, you're gonna wanna have some fruit and coffee.
47. it'll be warm.
48. .... keeps the key on their person but they'll give it up for liquor/sex/riddle/jewlery
1. Bechelrose
2. Donny
3. Fat Matilda
4. The Worst Case Scenario, Don Bluth III
5. Chinnie
6. A.M.Y.
49. should be a sudden breeze, and that's when you have to drink the poison
50. eat the
1. meat.
2. collected building supplies- bricks, two-by-fours, nails, wire
3. lightbulbs (it's candy glass)
4. cartwheels (actually a delicous cake)
5. cake, made of wood :(
6. fat angel
51. dig through the sawdust
52. some kids might try and throw rocks at you but all you really have to do is beat the shit out of one of them
53. crawl
54. reroll (until applicable) and add "until someone stops you"
55. spin until you throw up
56. hit a high note like a *imitate sound of high note*
57. scoop water out of the dark pool, drink it, pass out
58. kill a
1. red badger
2. woman wearing a blue dress
3. known thief
4. building (demolish a building)
5. child
6. fetus
59. take the frozen path along the abyss with the falling icicles
60. hunt some of the {minibeasts} and throw one against a wall, killing it, should knock over the wall
61. walk down the hallway backwards
62. jump in the pit (50% chance deceptive information)
63. one of the screens has a door behind it
64. pull on the chandelier.
65. there should be a tunnel UNDER the dining room, try not to make too much noise...
66. think really hard about ladders
67. roll off veins table of interstices (use these for like 10 entries -ed)
68. hedge maze! 
69. use a tunnel under a river; roll off the veins interstice table.
70. tunnel made of appliances.
71. clear a path through the Room of Spoons (the auditorium from A Clockwork Orange) (next time rolled: forks, knifes, salad tongs, teapots)
72. ring any bell.
73. curl up into an egg.
74. nestle into the coffin.
75. zipline!
76. if you're not underground at this point you miffed it
77. thin bridge
78. scenic bridge
79. you'll have to find some way to move that rock.
80. marketplace bridge
81. shaky bridge will collapse 
82. shortcut through palace of fire which requires arson
83. strike the gazebo
84. get in the coldest hole
85. watch out for the paintings with the arms
86. sleep
87. jump out the window
88. sign the guestbook.
89. catch a rabbit to burn
90. the guard there will ask you to get nude, but don't believe his lies...
91. gravity switches there
92. jump off the bridge at the part with the missing link
93. fat cheerleader has the answers...
94. {jerk off} into the bowl... free of charge, here's some porn... hehe
95. come back, and find me, and hurt me.
96. you'll have to take those pills I just gave you.
97. you'll have to commit seppuku at this point.
98. you can fit into the fat angel
99. you have to let the fat angel suck someone's dick
100. avoid the tarrasque