Sunday, December 16, 2018

d100+ directions, higher numbers weirder

roll several times to get directions, uhhh vary it between d6, d10, d20, d30, d50, d20+25 etc., d100, as the higher numbers are wierder... example:
  1. go right
  2. there's a lot of Bandits in this zone so be careful
  3. crawl in the pipe there
  4. think really hard about ladders
...and you're there.

d 1 0 0 T A B L E o F s T R A N G E D I R E C T I O N S: 
  1. go right
  2. go left
  3. reroll (until applicable -ed) and add "two times"
  4. reroll (ditto) and add "three times"
  5. go north
  6. go east
  7. go west
  8. go south
  9. add "at the junction," and reroll
  10. walk twenty five steps thataway
  11. keep going until you see
    1. threatening graffiti
    2. the big hole
    3. all that moss
    4. fat Derrida
    5. the community board
    6. that church
  12. turn at the big rock
  13. if you see the ... you've gone too far. 
    1. big rock
    2. pile of horse skeletons
    3. stuck-in-wall guy
    4. magic fountain
    5. really large grass field
    6. hole
  14. take the less-trod path
  15. oh yeah, there's a shortcut: (reroll 5 more times) 
  16. "about a mile down the road" and reroll
  17. there should be double doors, go through those.
  18. a ... will guide you:
    1. a grey wolf
    2. a brown cat
    3. a fat dog
    4. a fat rat
    5. a talking bat
    6. a pretty lady
  19. you'll have to bribe the guard there. like $5
  20. staircase up.
  21. ...that'll get you most of the way there. (nullifies remaining directionsIf this is the first instruction: no directions necessary)
  22. at this point you should smell:
    1. bacon
    2. bread and iron
    3. waffles
    4. smoke
  23. at this point you should hear:
    1. screaming
    2. bees
    3. rushing water (a waterfall -ed)
    4. howling wind
    5. a sound like fingernails on a chalkboard, don't worry tho
    6. thunking
  24. reroll and add "...usually."
  25. you'll have to climb up that wall.
  26. there's a magic door there, to unlock it, you'll have to (roll d50 + 50, two times until applicable)
  27. should just be a hill or two before...
  28. there's a lot of Bandits in this zone so be careful
  29. there's a shortcut through someone's house... if they ask tell them 'Chinnie' sent you
  30. if you get that far it should pretty obvious where to go next.
  31. hug the treeline for a while
  32. watch out for broken glass, here.
  33. should be a red crank there, turn it, it will raise the portcullis, I think.
  34. you'll have to go and meet the jester there, I don't remember the rest (nullifies remaining rolls)
  35. follow the tracks for like a mile
  36. ladder up
  37. ladder down
  38. you'll have to go and find a ladder to get up, there.
  39. crawl in the pipe there.
  40. there should be a bridge directly above you.
  41. should be a large fuzzy crack in the wall.
  42. should be lava at this point
  43. you'll have to breeze up the way until you hit, like, pawn's five knight's gopher
  44. try to deliberately piss off Chinnie
  45. ok, there will be a delicious feast there, but don't eat anything, right...
  46. eat breakfast here, or if it's night, you're gonna wanna have some fruit and coffee.
  47. it'll be warm.
  48. .... keeps the key on their person but they'll give it up for liquor/sex/riddle/jewlery
    1. Bechelrose
    2. Donny
    3. Fat Matilda
    4. The Worst Case Scenario, Don Bluth III
    5. Chinnie
    6. A.M.Y.
  49. should be a sudden breeze, and that's when you have to drink the poison
  50. eat the
    1. meat.
    2. collected building supplies- bricks, two-by-fours, nails, wire
    3. lightbulbs (it's candy glass)
    4. cartwheels (actually a delicous cake)
    5. cake, made of wood :(
    6. fat angel
  51. dig through the sawdust
  52. some kids might try and throw rocks at you but all you really have to do is beat the shit out of one of them
  53. crawl
  54. reroll (until applicable) and add "until someone stops you"
  55. spin until you throw up
  56. hit a high note like a *imitate sound of high note*
  57. scoop water out of the dark pool, drink it, pass out
  58. kill a
    1. red badger
    2. woman wearing a blue dress
    3. known thief
    4. building (demolish a building)
    5. child
    6. fetus
  59. take the frozen path along the abyss with the falling icicles
  60. hunt some of the {minibeasts} and throw one against a wall, killing it, should knock over the wall
  61. walk down the hallway backwards
  62. jump in the pit (50% chance deceptive information)
  63. one of the screens has a door behind it
  64. pull on the chandelier.
  65. there should be a tunnel UNDER the dining room, try not to make too much noise...
  66. think really hard about ladders
  67. roll off veins table of interstices (use these for like 10 entries -ed)
  68. hedge maze! 
  69. use a tunnel under a river; roll off the veins interstice table.
  70. tunnel made of appliances.
  71. clear a path through the Room of Spoons (the auditorium from A Clockwork Orange) (next time rolled: forks, knifes, salad tongs, teapots)
  72. ring any bell.
  73. curl up into an egg.
  74. nestle into the coffin.
  75. zipline!
  76. if you're not underground at this point you miffed it
  77. thin bridge
  78. scenic bridge
  79. you'll have to find some way to move that rock.
  80. marketplace bridge
  81. shaky bridge will collapse 
  82. shortcut through palace of fire which requires arson
  83. strike the gazebo
  84. get in the coldest hole
  85. watch out for the paintings with the arms
  86. sleep
  87. jump out the window
  88. sign the guestbook.
  89. catch a rabbit to burn
  90. the guard there will ask you to get nude, but don't believe his lies...
  91. gravity switches there
  92. jump off the bridge at the part with the missing link
  93. fat cheerleader has the answers...
  94. {jerk off} into the bowl... free of charge, here's some porn... hehe
  95. come back, and find me, and hurt me.
  96. you'll have to take those pills I just gave you.
  97. you'll have to commit seppuku at this point.
  98. you can fit into the fat angel
  99. you have to let the fat angel suck someone's dick
  100. avoid the tarrasque


  1. This is the some good shit. Wish I'd have had it when running the seething previously...will likely transcribe into the book itself....makes ar&pl 'square crawl' soooooooo much more improvise-able
    ...may add more (&roll again) instances to up the base likelihood of complex direction overall

  2. INSTEADEATH more like INSTAQUEST. I'm tempted to expand some of the options out even more...