a goblin market

A GOBLIN MARKET

nsfw

goblin names

nice goblin with ribbons and daisies - stinky

goblin always pissing amd cumming in own mouth-- wwharrbblara

goblin with underbite - sticky

goblin with heart outside chest - cheapy

goblin with two heads lega arms - jeff and daisy

the goblin juggler - swords

loud deaf goblin- goblin

Goblin who will trade for goblets gobben

Stinky Goblin name Pete

sword dealer heathcliffe

No Goblin will recognize any description of another Goblin than by their name

hawker goblin yells hawk hawk and throws hawks at people

hawker goblin throws hawks at you every time you ask for a general description of the market, deals 1dmg

a statue that looks like a human with goblin features inappropriately carved in it, with a coin slot in its chest

if you put a coin in it, it judders to life, and starts mimicking your actions

then you see the a goblin eating the skin of the princess 

if you try to get to it, the statue blocks your way, exactly mimicking your movements

if you try to yell at the goblin, it’ll look at you, and laugh

if you fight the statue it turns out the mirror breaks, it turns out you were facing a mirror

the statue was behind you, facing the mirror

other goblins demand you pay for the mirror you broke

the goblin with theskin was also standing behind you, and it wasn’t skin, it was a a gooey terrible goblin pizza

auction/macguffin is actually outside door the pcs came in

its at a tree nearby

there is a daisy chain of trading that never ends, each goblin willing to trade for something another goblin has, like in zelda, this continues for as long as you can make it

goblins all want yr servitude so theyll try to keep you here

start offering deals if you begin to leave

“deals” “deals” “deals” “halfrate” halfrate” “my price cheaper!” “no, mine!” getting in fights physically with each other over who’s price cheaper eventually ends in a murder and sobbing

(-1 goblin)

fighting goblins: goblins are cowards and run away

if you should kill a goblin: all the other goblins will gather round and try to pretend good riddance

another goblin is generated

if you attempt to impose order over the goblins, they will make you their goblin king

they will bring out disgusting clothes for you to wear and a heavy, valueless crown

they will misinterpert the things you will say

they will attempt to coup you with a bunch of goblin knives

there will be goblin advisors who will tell you about goblin problems

theres a.pile of leather and stinky pete stays there and has the tail caught in a meat grinder of an obviously tortured beast. the tramplelephant

if they free the beast it runs around and destroys all the stalls and all the goblins flee, leaving the stuff

d6 goblins are killed (or all of them -ed)

stalls:

shit- exclusively sells feces. display: the ultra mega turd

trinkets that give you magical powers (all useless)

• lets you see things that are glowing in the dark
• lets you eat food that is poisonous (the food is still poisonous)
• lets you flip a bird over, sometimes
• curse lizard tells you when something bad is about to happen, always happens and its fairly quick
• etc

swords -  heathcliffe exclusively runs this stall

heathcliffe is a demure goblin who speaks professionally and wears not very dirty clothes

he uses the language of like infomercials to sell swords

skin-- lewd drawings of big boobed ladies. the goblins chuckle and don’t understand.

they will draw the ladies, and will draw princess sun (just circles, dots, and vees) and demand payment, the parchment itself already has semen on maybe and has other drawings scratched out, they’ll try to sell you old drawings first and then scrtch it out and redraw it

statuary of goblins and of the trampelephant and the taming of the trampelephant and lording over it

goblin babies for sale

goblin library which is just an angry goblin which is like books? books? where are these books? lemme me at em lemme at em and flies into a rage

goblin juggler will injure/kll themself and everyone’s shocked and is like who killed swords?

terrible prices:

-one floogfaff. no good description

,-one of the goblins trades in land, or wants land, and all the other goblins decide they want land too

-claim to trade exlusively in babies- “one human baby!!!”

-”give us yr money!!!”

-”all of your money”-- that’s the price. if there’s less smoney on them they will accept that

- goblets, no clear way to get these

-”everything has a price!!” “eeehhheee!”

-heathcliffe is relatively serious and has things retail for pretty expensive and unfair prices, or is willing to put you on a monthly payment plan, has you sign forms, is relatively serious compared to others

quotes numbers doesn’t say ‘silver pennies or anything like that”

retails between 400-500, the bladeslayer retails much higher for that…

-a secret (puts out gross ear to hear it). “ugh, no!! not that! eee!!!” if you shout the secret yr ok

if you keep whispering she’s like “why are you doing that??”

-a kiss! noo!! kiss each other!! ahahahah!! wait kiss me!! yeah yeah!! kiss the wall!! you all have to kiss each other’s butt!!! if you actually kiss you can argue with her and confuse her

a nebulous zone that’s neither outside nor inside. there seem to be tunnels

“hmm! i think i know something about that, but i wont give iy away for free!!”

cant tell if its inside or outside

slide down a steep root path to get here from door

ultomately allbthe stuff was not good, and the trampelephant destroys all the valuable stuff

trampelephant caught by its tail being sllloowly tunred into leather

other “customer” is actually two goblins wearing a trenchcoat

gets in argument with stall vendor

will interrupt argument about unfair prices

will pretend to pay like an obvious magic trick