d100 police responses

god gotta shake these winter blues and throw up a blog-post.

d100 ways that the police respond to something

1. the street rumbles. and collapses. the police were trapped in the sewers beneath and they're now free.
2. cops are taking shits in nearby bathroom
3. cops immediately decide they need to consult a psychic
4. d
5. cops set up an astrolabe and begin consulting it. crime scene slowly becomes more and more about astronomy/ology as night progresses
6. evil cop demands everyone's shoes, steals them
7. cop breaks down door like kramer
8. cops very sneaky show up slowly poking their noses around corners
9. play simon says or they open fire
10. cops slowly start deconstructing the house
11. cut to: police tape on the ground, serious detectives having a police procedural conversation, the interim elided over
12. cops start gossiping about you in front of you, picking apart your appearance and being snotty
13. cops more concerned about the serial killer who is said to be probably "close by"
14. cops eating lunch, try to get you to buy hoagies for the police hoagie sale
15. cops trying to sell raffle tickets and will only do what you want if you buy more and more tickets
16. one cop has his shoes untied and will fall over at comic time, gets really angry and will get violent 
17. cops were just playing paintball and file in with all their gear still on, with paint splotches, have grudges etc
18. frantic yelling and giant gorilla-like cop bursts into scene named Mongo, other cops have to calm it down 
19. cops are late to motocross, rival team shows up revving their bikes really loud outside crime scene
20. competitive putting using a glass and a putter to kill time
21. drinking tea out of big mugs using both hands
22. flash photography, blue latex gloves, gas tanks, heart rate monitor... sick people start showing up, seems like the flu's in season. travelling witch doctor-show sets up outside. purpose of the scene seems to have changed somewhat.
23. humiliating body searches of all present (good luck -ed)
24. police mislabel all evidence and cart it all off and are never seen from or heard ever again
25. everyone gets arrested, evidence is manufactured to pin it on random PC present
26. a great evil is afoot... police invite hooded figures to the scene and keep discussing "the warden"
27. redneck sherrif + barefoot deputies with shotguns
28. add'l evidence is uncovered which completely changes the case
1. murder weapon added/subtracted from scene (if one was present, subtracted, etc)
2. secret room with blood messages on the walls (or similar)
3. mutated half-alive fetus, parentage apparent, squirreled away at scene
4. evidence literally falls from sky
29. small meteorite lands near scene
30. fastfood delivery & subsequent argument
31. police horse freaks out and gets destructive, police refuse to euthanize it
32. supervillain is involved (see: http://rememberdismove.blogspot.com/2019/01/d50-villains.html)
33. police accidentally break something vital and profusely apologize
34. detective taking over the case is covered in tattoos and seductive
35. cops are aliens
36. cops refuse to leave car, will not for any reason, talk through window etc
37. random object magnetized by lightning exactly like in The Court Jester (1955)
38. one cop is also a serial killer trying to deal with the conflicting parts of his identity and audibly goes through the motions.
39. cops blare really loud music from the car the whole time they're there
40. cop has native roots and uses a bow and arrow, facepaint, stereotypical native clue-gathering methods, listening to ground, voodoo etc
41. cops are ghost hunters
42. cops deeply hate each other 
43. small fire starts and will escalate if players dont do something
44. fantastically obese cop(s)
45. cops kinda gossipy and drinking appletinis 
46. scene is haunted and manifests blood on the walls / time loop / hallucinogenic ghost presence / items rearrange / curse distribution / demonic chanting
47. cops are satanists! 
48. K9 dog has foaming horrible rabies
49. cops are using messenger pigeons
50. Cop is one day away from retirement! 
51. serial killer/ other horrible person(s) is in disguise as a cop(s), (supervillain may be involved see #32)
52. SNAFU involving undercover police already at scene
53. cop is compulsive masturbator(s)
54. cops trying to sell drugs to PCs... a sting?
55. cops doin
1. coke
2. ketamine
3. ecstasy
4. methamphetamines
5. opiods
6. LSD
56. cops have regressed to a pre-modern state, alike cavemen
57. cop has massive weeping wound(s) no one acknowledges
58. cops are very nerdy and wheedly, pocket protectors, cokebottle glasses 
59. preggo ladycop goes into labor
60. cop is one of those mechs from Robocop (1987)
61. cop is Robocop
62. cops are babushka-wearing grandma cops
63. cops are forever on their phones 
64. cops are drunk gettin drunker
65. cops don't know how to use a computer! they need to though, could you help?
66. cops are totally competent in this case.
67. copgun goes off aciddentally at worst time
68. cops all have a seriously flu
69. none of the cops can read
70. dispatcher promises cops will show up but none ever, ever will
71. cops skin slowly changing colors
72. cops "smell" crime
73. cops are all terribly beautiful
74. dinosaurs show up
75. cops are compulsive gamblers
76. cops are greatly speculative about chess
77. cop mentions he has a single day until retirement
78. bomb squad robot shows up first, alone, due to scheduling error
79. cops are all terribly hungover
80. cops are in a band together and are kinda like Mystery Incorporated
81. bishonen detective
82. cop has chronic pain flareup and requires paramedic attention
83. cops are all actually ghosts
84. seemingly quite intelligent detective determined to fake evidence for own goals
85. cops arrive at wrong location and are unable to travel to correct one although dispatch will unceasingly attempt to coordinate this
86. cop has a phobia about flying bugs which arrive periodically, he freaks out, other cops have to calm him down, keeps happening
87. cops seem like they're really good genuinely kind friends to each other but commit terrible cruelties to each other as well
88. -100 : no response.

drug lord generator for Tzop Secret

drug lords template:
1 machine gun kelly
2 pharmacorp head
3 mac os name e.g. "snow lion"
4 irish grandma
5 the godfather
6 roll on dunkey's supervillain generator (http://rememberdismove.blogspot.com/2019/01/d50-villains.html)

the drug lord retaliates:
1 bombing attempt (ballisitics 40)
2 2d6 gangsters (30 skill) attack
3 pc resource destroyed (skill 50)
4 pc resource subverted (skill 50)
5 poisoning (skill 50)
6 come up with something more bizarre

their resources:
as a base:
>manpower
>supply
>territory
>judges and politicians
>50 base skill

extras: (they get 1/d4/d6/d8 of these)
1 WEB affiliation (may call on one favor from WEB)
2 +25 skill in one skill
3 1 luck point
4 science + piece of advanced tech
5 xtra capable bodyguard (combat skills 70)
6 come up with something more bizarre

d100+ directions, higher numbers weirder

roll several times to get directions, uhhh vary it between d6, d10, d20, d30, d50, d20+25 etc., d100, as the higher numbers are wierder... example:

1. go right
2. there's a lot of Bandits in this zone so be careful
3. crawl in the pipe there
4. think really hard about ladders

...and you're there.

d 1 0 0 T A B L E o F s T R A N G E D I R E C T I O N S: 

1. go right
2. go left
3. reroll (until applicable -ed) and add "two times"
4. reroll (ditto) and add "three times"
5. go north
6. go east
7. go west
8. go south
9. add "at the junction," and reroll
10. walk twenty five steps thataway
11. keep going until you see
1. threatening graffiti
2. the big hole
3. all that moss
4. fat Derrida
5. the community board
6. that church
12. turn at the big rock
13. if you see the ... you've gone too far. 
1. big rock
2. pile of horse skeletons
3. stuck-in-wall guy
4. magic fountain
5. really large grass field
6. hole
14. take the less-trod path
15. oh yeah, there's a shortcut: (reroll 5 more times) 
16. "about a mile down the road" and reroll
17. there should be double doors, go through those.
18. a ... will guide you:
1. a grey wolf
2. a brown cat
3. a fat dog
4. a fat rat
5. a talking bat
6. a pretty lady
19. you'll have to bribe the guard there. like $5
20. staircase up.
21. ...that'll get you most of the way there. (nullifies remaining directions. If this is the first instruction: no directions necessary)
22. at this point you should smell:
1. bacon
2. bread and iron
3. waffles
4. smoke
23. at this point you should hear:
1. screaming
2. bees
3. rushing water (a waterfall -ed)
4. howling wind
5. a sound like fingernails on a chalkboard, don't worry tho
6. thunking
24. reroll and add "...usually."
25. you'll have to climb up that wall.
26. there's a magic door there, to unlock it, you'll have to (roll d50 + 50, two times until applicable)
27. should just be a hill or two before...
28. there's a lot of Bandits in this zone so be careful
29. there's a shortcut through someone's house... if they ask tell them 'Chinnie' sent you
30. if you get that far it should pretty obvious where to go next.
31. hug the treeline for a while
32. watch out for broken glass, here.
33. should be a red crank there, turn it, it will raise the portcullis, I think.
34. you'll have to go and meet the jester there, I don't remember the rest (nullifies remaining rolls)
35. follow the tracks for like a mile
36. ladder up
37. ladder down
38. you'll have to go and find a ladder to get up, there.
39. crawl in the pipe there.
40. there should be a bridge directly above you.
41. should be a large fuzzy crack in the wall.
42. should be lava at this point
43. you'll have to breeze up the way until you hit, like, pawn's five knight's gopher
44. try to deliberately piss off Chinnie
45. ok, there will be a delicious feast there, but don't eat anything, right...
46. eat breakfast here, or if it's night, you're gonna wanna have some fruit and coffee.
47. it'll be warm.
48. .... keeps the key on their person but they'll give it up for liquor/sex/riddle/jewlery
1. Bechelrose
2. Donny
3. Fat Matilda
4. The Worst Case Scenario, Don Bluth III
5. Chinnie
6. A.M.Y.
49. should be a sudden breeze, and that's when you have to drink the poison
50. eat the
1. meat.
2. collected building supplies- bricks, two-by-fours, nails, wire
3. lightbulbs (it's candy glass)
4. cartwheels (actually a delicous cake)
5. cake, made of wood :(
6. fat angel
51. dig through the sawdust
52. some kids might try and throw rocks at you but all you really have to do is beat the shit out of one of them
53. crawl
54. reroll (until applicable) and add "until someone stops you"
55. spin until you throw up
56. hit a high note like a *imitate sound of high note*
57. scoop water out of the dark pool, drink it, pass out
58. kill a
1. red badger
2. woman wearing a blue dress
3. known thief
4. building (demolish a building)
5. child
6. fetus
59. take the frozen path along the abyss with the falling icicles
60. hunt some of the {minibeasts} and throw one against a wall, killing it, should knock over the wall
61. walk down the hallway backwards
62. jump in the pit (50% chance deceptive information)
63. one of the screens has a door behind it
64. pull on the chandelier.
65. there should be a tunnel UNDER the dining room, try not to make too much noise...
66. think really hard about ladders
67. roll off veins table of interstices (use these for like 10 entries -ed)
68. hedge maze! 
69. use a tunnel under a river; roll off the veins interstice table.
70. tunnel made of appliances.
71. clear a path through the Room of Spoons (the auditorium from A Clockwork Orange) (next time rolled: forks, knifes, salad tongs, teapots)
72. ring any bell.
73. curl up into an egg.
74. nestle into the coffin.
75. zipline!
76. if you're not underground at this point you miffed it
77. thin bridge
78. scenic bridge
79. you'll have to find some way to move that rock.
80. marketplace bridge
81. shaky bridge will collapse 
82. shortcut through palace of fire which requires arson
83. strike the gazebo
84. get in the coldest hole
85. watch out for the paintings with the arms
86. sleep
87. jump out the window
88. sign the guestbook.
89. catch a rabbit to burn
90. the guard there will ask you to get nude, but don't believe his lies...
91. gravity switches there
92. jump off the bridge at the part with the missing link
93. fat cheerleader has the answers...
94. {jerk off} into the bowl... free of charge, here's some porn... hehe
95. come back, and find me, and hurt me.
96. you'll have to take those pills I just gave you.
97. you'll have to commit seppuku at this point.
98. you can fit into the fat angel
99. you have to let the fat angel suck someone's dick
100. avoid the tarrasque

RAPIDS

You are in a boat attempting to cross some rapids. At every intersection you must choose an arrow to follow. If you hit a whirlpool (an intersection where no arrows lead away) you lose. Start from the top and get to the bottom. Good luck.

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peter's veins generators

CAVE GENERATOR:

number of caves:
spread:
interconnectedness (1=low 10 =high):
number of entrances:
number of exits:
Generate tunnel length and width? no yes
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gardens of ynn generator

gardens of ynn by emmy allen

depth: